Look, your sex life is probably pretty good… but it can be fun to try something new, and while porn can be great for you, most of the sex positions you see professionals engage in can feel more like they fit into the circus than the bedroom. Or maybe you’re just that couple who has a great sex life, but you want to add a little spice every now and then to test your boundaries.
So, how do we take what’s already pretty great and make it even better? The key is variation—routine and monotony is a one-way ticket to boredom, no matter what you’re up to (or how great it can be).
1. Take things out of the bedroom.
“I think the most important thing to continuously elevating your sex life is to make it unpredictable and less routine,” says Daizha Morgann, a popular adult film star. Trying somewhere in your house that feels new can provide a rush you won’t be expecting. “I highly recommend bathroom sex; all the mirrors are a major turn-on, and you can utilize sitting on the counter to let your partner go deeper than ever before,” Morgann says.
2. Don’t get undressed.
Whether you’re more inclined to wear a necktie or a pair of heels, wearing just an article (or three) of clothing can add another dynamic. “Your partner may not appreciate it, but if it turns you on, keep them on,” says Sherry Gaba, LCSW, author of The Marriage and Relationship Junkie: Kicking Your Obsession.
3. Listen to porn (without watching).
This is one of the best ways to learn how to dirty talk! Turn on a talk-heavy porn and turn the screen around… then turn off the lights. Now you and your partner will just repeat after the actors.
“This gives you permission to say dirty, nasty, limit-pushing things that you never had the courage or inclination to say before,” says Laurel House, dating coach and resident sex expert of My First Blush. “But once you get those words in your ear and hear them come out of your mouth, you’ve broken that barrier, and you can now introduce them into your regular routine.”
4. Slow things down.
Remember when we were teenagers and making out for hours was the sexiest thing ever? “Slow things down and spend a lot of time kissing, petting, and enjoying lots of foreplay like you did when you were teenagers—before you finally move into sex,” Gaba says. Slowing things down can build up a lot of anticipation, draw things out, and make the reward worth it.
5. Plan one super-sexy evening.
“Watch some adult videos or read an erotic book to get your minds wandering,” Morgann says. “I guarantee it will help you come up with new positions and ideas.” Then break out a new toy or two. “Experimenting with new sex toys and role play is a surefire way to blow both of your minds! It’s imperative to keep your sex life feeling spicy, exciting, and spontaneous—and that’s how you can make your sex life better and better,” Morgann says.
6. Never overlook the value of a hotel room.
Kathryn Smerling, Ph.D., marriage and family therapist with Upper East Side Family Therapy, says all couples must change up the scenery once in a while. “I once recommended to a young couple in their late 20s who were going through a sex rut to take a ‘staycation’ at a fun, local hotel,” she says. “A little break from the routine of their home went a long way, and they didn’t even have to travel anywhere to get that reprieve!”
Or if you don’t want to splurge, try just changing up the time of day. “Do you always have sex at night?” Smerling asks. “Try surprising your partner in the morning one day, and you’ll both notice the difference, I promise you.”
7. Put on a peep show.
Approach your partner fresh out of the shower, wearing only a towel—then tell them that you want them to watch. “Show them the foreplay you crave by trailing your fingertips over your body, teasing your favorite areas of stimulation,” says psychologist, relationship expert, and sexpert Antonia Hall, M.A., author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life.
“Then let the tease continue by making it their turn to show and tell,” Hall says. “This can not only heat things up fast, it opens space for discussing desires and showing exactly how you like to be touched.”
8. Take the connection deeper via tantra.
While tantra can conjure images of impossible demands (like hours and hours of sex), the practices detailed are actually an incredible way to reconnect with your partner and find more pleasure than either of you dreamed possible.
“The techniques are tried-and-true for thousands of years,” Hall says. “It’s about connecting more deeply with your partner and tapping into your body’s pleasure possibilities through breath, eye contact, and energy work that can allow for mind-bending, full-body orgasms.” Now that’ll amp up your sex life for a lifetime!
9. Restore the element of surprise.
Another key to hotter sex is spontaneity—like getting naked in the kitchen right after work or leaving an event for a quickie and then coming back.”Try sending your partner flowers for no reason, cooking when usually your partner does all the cooking, or whispering in your partner’s ear that you’re not wearing underwear,” Gaba says.
10. Let strangers watch.
There’s a naughty, exciting element to having sex in clear view of a stranger’s eye—and that doesn’t mean it has to be illegal or dangerous, either. Push up against a hotel window, the kind with see-through glass—and wear Eyes Wide Shut-style masks if you want to hide your identity. “Knowing that eyes might be seeing and therefore minds fantasizing is a huge turn on,” House says. “And still, you’re safe in your room where you can then go lie down on the bed and finish (if you haven’t already)!”
Aly Walansky is a New York-based lifestyles writer. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @alywalansky.
